Often in life, usually after a negative or traumatic personal experience, a person starts to build up a wall to enable a protection against him/her for future incidences. ‘For just encase it happens again!’ If you have been hurt by a spouse who has cheated on you, and you find yourself in another relationship down the line, that person will seem super to you – when you just friends, but bearing in mind that wall hasn’t been broken down. As time goes on and the relationship reaches another level, the wall of hurt rears its ugly head, it is invisible to the outside human eye, but to you, behind the scene of truth it will always be there.
Am I right?
Let’s use another example. Perhaps you attended church for a couple of years. You poured your heart and soul out for the congregation. Until one day, someone in the congregation breaks the “Christian Oath” – and you ‘catch him’ drinking excessively out of the ‘churches eye’, (are you reading the scenario I am painting here?) On the Sunday you walk into church only to see this SAME person clapping, laughing, singing the tunes, raising his hands and in reality you are no longer focused on why you came to church that morning, but your mind is doing hop scotch in your brain and you are thinking, “wow, is this oke for real? Two days ago he was drinking and swearing and today he is acting like a real hypocrite! How dare he!” You become obsessed with his human behaviour, you forget how great his personality really was previous to your shocking revelation of his ‘double sided life’, and it seems that everyone in the church now has a default-scam out of their Sunday routine.
After some time their faults are larger than life and you leave the church. Hurt, and bewildered with shame and anger.
The next church is the same. People are friendly in the beginning, after time their faults start shining through and you leave the church, because the church has let you down… again! Why does every church you attend let you down?
Let me tell you with a simple (but truthful) answer, “Because people are the church! People make mistakes! People lie! People will let you down! In other words, people sin! People are not perfect!”
Years down the line you find yourself begrudging every “Christian” because they go to church and you don’t trust them because they a bunch of hypocrites! That barrier wall has been raised a little higher in your mind. As time goes on, that wall continues to build itself up, one block at a time, until there is no way anyone can get close enough to you without your unconscious doubt or fears knocking on the wall, to add another block to the existing increasing wall – which is closed because it’s always under construction!
We find ourselves living a lonely existence as time goes on because we won’t allow ourselves to trust anyone again. You know, “because everyone is out to get me”, and this is the lie we live with, and ultimately start to believe. How very sad.
If you are in agreement with me, I am sure you are starting to think back to your past about the people who have hurt you, and the trauma you may have faced over the years. Perhaps you were abused as a little girl, and today as an adult, every older man you see who walks this earth IS going to abuse a little girl or boy! Am I right?
I may be right with your personal negative thoughts and ideas, but you (and I) are so wrong about choosing to believe every older gentleman is a walking paedophile.
Or, every man / woman you meet will cheat on you.
Or, every church is infested with hypocrites…
Generalisation is like a hand grenade, we hold it long enough until we feel it’s time to pull the pin and wait for an explosion – it is our diversion to enable us to hide in our place of safety, and in truth, keep building the wall of ‘protection’ around us.
A few months ago I had a dream. It was as clear as the day is long.
In my dream I saw this house which was built on the corner of the street. It was a beautiful house, and as I walked past it I was in ore of the surroundings. The garden was maintained, the windows were clean, the paint was fresh and it was just beautiful. It stood strong. I watched other people walk passed it and look at how beautifully presented this house was. As I walked passed the house again, it had a high wall around its perimeter. I remember in my dream I felt anxious about this silly wall that was hiding the beautiful house which I was able to view earlier on in my dream. People walked passed the house and just kept walking – there was no beautiful view, just a long road ahead. By the time I walked around the house again, I noticed the wall had been lowered, by this stage I could stand on my ‘tippy toes’ and see into the garden again, I felt a little more at peace that this house was once again in view for all to see. The last moments of my dream, as I walked around the wall had been completely broken down and I was delighted to see that anyone and everyone could view the beautiful manicured house and its garden once again.
Peculiar dream, I know, but it really made me feel anxious, and I wondered why on earth I would spend my sleep dreaming about a house and a wall! I prayed about it, and God revealed this to me.
“The house represents your life. When I created you, I made you beautiful. I want the world to see YOU as you are. As I see YOU. As time went on, the hurt of the world caused you pain, and the wall you see around the house symbolises the wall you have built around your heart. You have built it so high that nobody is able to see through or over it to know your true beauty, as I created you to be. Nobody is able to know your heart because you have built a solid wall around it. As you begin to draw closer to ME, and know that the world will let you down, but believe, I will NEVER hurt you, forsake you or leave you, the wall will come down like a ton of bricks and your beauty will shine again for all to see – you will live your life, given to you by me in complete love, joy, acceptance and peace. You will love yourself as I love you”.
There are moments in my life when I look around and see the beauty in my family and friends closest to me, and the love I have for my amazing husband and children. I realise how grateful I am to have them in my life. I love them for everything they are to me – faults and all. After all, isn’t that what unconditional love is all about? But the sadness comes when I battle to understand how anyone could truly love me, for ME! I find it easier to push them to aside and keep them at arm’s length because it is easier to live like that so I don’t, can’t or won’t get hurt again. How sad is it to live my own life, with the beautiful people I share it with, in absolute fear of being hurt again, instead of spending the days on this earth being loved and enjoy being loved by the people who mean the most to me, with all that life has to offer. How much time have I wasted on such useless thoughts?
If you haven’t been to church in years because the ‘church hurt you’ 20 + years ago, well, all I can say is, perhaps you the one in the wrong to have judged those people in the first place! A building can’t hurt you, and a church is another word for the ‘people who make up the church’, and people are human – people live in sin, which means, they have faults just like you! Let’s face reality, you don’t stop going to work because your boss dislikes you! You carry on working! So why stop going to church because you feel as though someone let you down or offended you? People will never stop making mistakes, and not every Christian is or will be a hypocrite! So let’s break down that wall of false and broken expectations and move forward! Sunday is around the corner, maybe it is time to get the family rounded up and go blast the tunes again – for the right reasons, of course, and not spend the hour looking around the congregation to see who is doing what and who is wearing what! (And yes, we are all guilty of it!) There is nothing more heartier than singing your heart out on a Sunday morning, releasing that vented frustration from the past week (or years!) and realise no one can actually hear you sing the wrong words or out of tune!
I don’t know about you, but I think it is time for break through in our life! It is time that wall of self destruction finally comes tumbling down and we start walking over those rocks laying beneath our feet instead of those rocks weighing us down. Every day.
God created you in His ultimate perfection. You are His vision, His glory, His love. The past is the past, stop looking back, you are not going that way. Allow your creation to be a perfect view for all to see. It is time for you (for me) to live in complete happiness and in fullness. It is time for a well deserved life, from today going forward. So what do you say about that?
Have a wonderful weekend. And for what it is worth, enjoy Church on Sunday. Times change, people change, church buildings become more modern with the latest technology, but remember our God is NEVER changing! He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow! Feast on His goodness, and live your deserved and most cherished life all the days you have left to live! Give it all you got, and if you feel the urge coming on, sing until your heart bubbles over with joy and have fun!
Love and God Bless,
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