Category Archives: Relationships & Marriage

It’s ok to teach your better half how to love You!

It’s OK to teach your better half how to love YOU? That sounds weird! But in fact, it is true.

A few years ago I remember a friend (who was married – I was single) telling me, that for a good and solid relationship it is important to teach your other half “how to love you”. I found this quite strange, because in the “ideal world”, where fantasy lives forever, you hear of that love at first sight, happily ever after, love is bliss and so it goes on…. But in reality and in the real world… as I have grown older, and am married, I have learnt to believe that what she told me all those years ago was in fact true.
I will tell you why I believe this to be true!
Each individual is different. Our needs are different, our morals, upbringing, family relationships, religion, culture, whatever it is, we are all unique and each of us require different needs and attention at different times of our lives.

We have been created to be loved, and to love in return. We may not always like our spouse on certain days of the year, but we have been told to LOVE, unconditionally. Now, for me personally, I love to communicate and get things out of the way. That is how we were brought up in our home by my parents when we were children. If there is something troubling you, talk about it. Fix it. Sort it out. Move on and don’t bring it up again.
I try to do this in my life and marriage today, even with my kids when we don’t see eye to eye on certain things, this is how I have tried to teach them.
However, my husband is different, and he will take a little bit longer to get over something.
Is he wrong and I am right?
No. We are different beings.

I love to be close and cuddle, I am affectionate by nature.
He doesn’t like to cuddle, all of the time!
Does this make him love me any less and me love him more?
No.

What I am getting at, is that over time, we learn to love our partner as they have taught us to love them. We learn to nurture our relationship and see what works for both parties to create a good home life, a happy relationship and an extraordinary friendship between two people. After all, you are two complete strangers, who liked one another, which turned into love and then you both came together as one and chose to make a life together – which should be forever.
Personally, I believe, do what you can to make it work!

As I am learning more each day about life, because it does not come with a manual, and some things are learnt the hard way (unfortunately), I have come to the conclusion that it is okay to teach your spouse what your likes and dislikes are, and with that comes a deeper level of love, communication and trust for one another – and let’s face it, there is nothing greater than being in a caring and honest relationship.
We all have our limits, we all have boundaries. What works for one may not always work for the other, but if there is mutual respect and a genuine love for another human being, the best part of your relationship is learning what makes the other one tick. I do not mean like a time bomb ready to go off.. I mean, what makes that person you love so much keep their love for you ticking? What is his / her heartbeat that keeps him / her loving you back each day for the rest of your life? Or perhaps, what is it that has created a distance between you and your spouse over time?
These are the things we should constantly be working on and not always striving to ‘just expect’ the best from your spouse and if he / she doesn’t get it right, well let’s just say, “hell breaks lose in every direction!”

If you are single. Then take this time to prepare yourself. The other day a friend was telling me how bored she is of being alone.
WHY? How can you be bored? The best relationship is that relationship you have with yourself. And I know this sounds cliché, but honestly, when the time is right that person will come to you. Trust me. Do not rush into anything. Marriage is most certainly not always a bed of roses, or is it a fairy tale, but is it worth it? Oh absolutely!
Be at peace, and be calm that you are single. Sometimes we need a little more time focusing on ourselves before we are ready to focus on someone else. The desire in your heart will come to pass, when it is the right time, and in the mean time do not lose focus on who you are.

If you are in a relationship and you get frustrated easily with your partner and some days you wonder, “what the heck am I doing this all for”? Perhaps it is time to see how he / she ticks. Perhaps it is time to allow your partner to teach you how to love him / her the correct way. And take note! (Not written notes!! But I guess if it helps, then do it secretly as a reminder!!!) Pay extra attention to what he / she likes and what makes them happy, or irritates them (when you see the eye roll… start moving away and change direction to what is happening… try not enter that zone again, or anytime too soon!) Pay attention to the little things and you will see in a short time how things will flourish and grow between you two.
It is the same with a plant, as it is watered it grows into a beautiful flower. Stop hassling about the little things. This life is too short to squibble about things that are out of your control (and I am lecturing myself too on this one!)
When you see your partner today, look them in the eye and say one nice thing to them. If you can not do it and it’s not ‘your style’ then do something kind instead, but what ever it is, begin to nurture your spouse and teach him / her how to love you, and as the spouse, start learning how to love your partner the correct way, the way in which he / she needs to be loved. It may take some time to sync, but in time your relationship will be a thriving one where two people genuinely like one another and enjoy each other’s company, it is healthy and far easier (and nicer) than arguing, talking ugly, living with bad thoughts and being frustrated!

So let’s get to it. Happy “learning to love your spouse” season… plant that seed and begin to watch that flower grow into something beautiful.
Today is a new season for everyone around the world, with a new season comes new life – new found joy.
Enjoy your life, and enjoy life WITH your partner.

Love and God Bless,
Cindy.

Marriage… Doesn’t have to be an empty box

Someone once told me, “Marriage throughout the years has not changed. It is the people IN the marriage who change”…

Marriage is unique to each person, to every couple, to every family. As individuals we all have different beliefs, needs, morals, each person has been brought up differently and that in itself is a challenge when meeting the “right person”, however, marriage in itself still has the same understanding and respect today as it did hundreds of years ago.

marriage

If you are married – a short or long time, if you are thinking of marriage, this post will be for you today. Wherever your marriage is today with your partner, there is always room for improvement. A good marriage has sometimes stood the hardest battles, and it is sometimes easier to fall short and cut the lose ends instead of tightening your bond and walking forward in strength and unity.

This is your day to start (or continue) with an even better marriage! It has to begin with you. Love never fails, however, we as individuals do, every day!
Perhaps today is YOUR day to start filling that box with all the good things your marriage is destined to have and for you and your spouse to share the beauty marriage has for you… what marriage is truly all about! Enjoy it and enjoy your spouse…

Have an awesome evening and let’s get real!

Love and God Bless,
Cindy.

I will sing you a love song even when it’s lonely

I like you, you like me.
Let’s fall in love…
Today I love you, and you love me….
Let’s make a life time of this…
I am not sure if you are still the one for me…
But how do I live without you?
Tomorrow I will miss you when you have gone…
Will yesterday be my reality of love again for our love to fulfil the hurt I feel now?
Do you still love me?
Will you still love me today, tomorrow and forever?

These are lines from poetry, songs, books and other posts, and I have to come to realise that love is a really strange ordeal! I mean, nobody on this earth can survive without love, nobody has lived without one person loving them at any time of their existence, and I doubt any person has ever had perfect love each day without glitch or a time of concern or sadness.
Love is love.
My perfect love story is knowing that my Father in Heaven loves me unconditionally. He loves me so much He thought I was enough to die for.

For many of us love comes in different forms, different relationships, at different stages in our lives and for different reasons. But at the end of the day, love is love, it is pure. From the beginning to the end, for if you have never shared love with anyone you will never know the greatest gift of all. True love.

The other day I was out walking with the kids. We belong to a walking group in our area. We were on route and my kids had already out ran me… I walked along and looked at the trees and the river we were passing, there were not many people left (I like to think I was ahead of them, but in truth I was coming last…!) and the worst feeling of emotion came over me (besides the fact that I was coming last) … I was alone!
This feeling of dismal distraction knawd at my heart strings. In reality I have my family, my gorgeous kids, my husband, friends, but in a moment I had this sad realisation of what it would be like to be all alone.
I didn’t like it. It saddens me to think that there are so many of us that are alone. You could be in a relationship, have a job, have a houseful of children and still feel alone.
The last few days I have really struggled with this feeling of loneliness that gripped me and I realise only I can change that into a positive solution. To live a life with love – and share love, even if it is friendship love, is one of the most important gifts you can give to yourself and to enjoy life.

If you live a lonely life, you may have lost your spouse, or your children have left home, you could be in a marriage where your spouse is away often, or you may have relocated and haven’t quite found your ‘niche in the new spot’ – there are different forms of loneliness, and the overwhelming feeling hits you like an ice cold wind on your back which takes your breath away and leaves your gut empty, then perhaps it is time to change your circumstances. When those lonely moments set in and pale your heart get up and go do something. You may be thinking, “what is there to do if I am alone”? Well, share your time with others. Others more needy than yourself, visit an orphanage, visit a hospital where patients haven’t had some conversation in a while, phone a friend who you enjoy company with – if you have a friend that loves your sense of humour and sharing their time with you, invest more time with them, even if it is platonic. It does not matter if those around you don’t approve, as long as that person concerned brings out something special within you, has a positive nature, share your time with them. It is you and only you that has to live with the loneliness, so make the most to change it for the better.

If you are in a loveless relationship, perhaps it is time to renew that spark. Or move on. Nobody wants to grow old alone, or with regret – or sharing a future with someone they don’t like! If it means pulling the rug (so to speak) from under their feet and reminding your partner of the good old days when things may have seemed easier, then do it. Living a life with someone to share your life doesn’t always come easy, but to live your life alone is far worse.
This may all sound weird and out of the ordinary, especially if you are young and the world is your oyster, well in truth, time passes rather quickly so don’t waste precious time in believing that you can build the foundation for your future at a later stage in life, invest your time and life with others who will be good for your soul and who will make each day you live a happy and memorable journey.

Each of us have been born to live a good life, not just to exist. To date I have not lived an ordinary life. I have experienced more in my life than most elders will ever experience. Does that make me any different to you? No. Should I be treated any differently? No. But if I have lived a crazy past, I look forward to an extra ordinary future with the best in my life, and who brings out the best in me to make the journey more worth while.
Share your fun, share your days, your wisdom, your laugh and allow others to see your smile, it is your most valuable asset. Enjoy each day and begin to chose your joy. Loneliness can be a thing of the past and the person you are, the amazing person you were born to be… be a light to others so they can share in your beauty and enjoy your presence from today onwards.
You owe that gift to yourself as well.

Love and God Bless,
Cindy.

That nasty word you said left a chip in my heart

Words…….
Words…… We speak a thousand, five thousand, ten thousand words per day… maybe more, maybe less….

Three months ago we were blessed with a new car. Not brand new, but it sure is an upgrade to what we had previously. I have looked after our new car as best as I possibly can.
I am sure most men can relate, when you purchase your partner a new car… every now and then your eyes take a once over glance to ensure the car is still in good order and the trolleys at the shopping malls haven’t left their desired marks on your ‘new purchase’, and in all honesty your spouse can breathe again on the all clear until the next time!
I do not care too much for material possessions, however, I do believe in taking care of your belongings responsibly.

This morning, after finishing my errands, I parked my car at work and as I got out I noticed a horrible scratch on the side mirror of the car. I went into the office to fetch a cloth and see if it wasn’t just dirt. No… it was a bad scratch. There is no longer paint there, only a beautiful round design of metal left behind. I phoned the panel beaters to request a quote for touch up paint! (You just never know if it may happen again in the future!)
I was annoyed.
As much as the mark looks terrible on the vehicle, now that I have noticed it my eyes keep focusing on it now. I think what annoyed me more is that someone could have scratched my car and didn’t show the respect to let me know that it happened.

My day had started. It is Friday, a long weekend coming up, I was all ready for this great day and now I hit a speed bump so early in the morning! And who really has the energy to work on a Friday? In the back of my mind, through out my working day, all I could think about was this darn scratch on my car. I doubt I will have to tell my husband, because he either already knows and is waiting for me to tell him or he will surely see it tonight or over the weekend and wait for the enlightening explanation first hand!

As I was in between work, clients and month end work my mind kept going back to my car! I went outside again and chatted to some of the nearby staff. There is a buzz in the office, like I mentioned previously, Monday is a public holiday, so the long weekend is near and there is just too much excitement! I sat back at my desk and thought to myself. This silly episode about a scratch on my car, even if I get touch up paint, it may look neater, but it will always be there. It has happened and there is nothing I can do about it now, but fix it the best I possibly can.
This scratch is like damaged words being spoken to someone. We may say “I am sorry” and move on, but those words will always leave a mark in our heart and remain in our mind.

A car is a material possession. It does not give life, and it does not pay for a future, but in many circumstances it makes us happy and aids me and my family from getting from A to B and enjoying a simpler life. The scratch, yes, will always be there, but it does not determine who I am and it can not bring a negative impact to break down my entire day, perhaps my wallet in a small way, but that is a part of life.

But what about our words? How often do we speak and not think how our words affect the person who is being spoken to? We have control over our words every time we open our mouth.
The other morning I was having a moment where nothing seemed to put a smile on my face. I am sure there are many of us who have experienced these days sometime! My husband, who has the sweetest face, looked at me and said, “next time you say something can it be positive?”
Sarcasm would have loved to have reigned in that moment, but to be perfectly honest, I realised he was so right! (I don’t often like to admit that he is right, but that day he was!)
Since then I have really been concentrating on the words I speak. It is a challenge. It is even more of a challenge to keep quiet when there is nothing nice to say.
As we go into this weekend, social activities are bouncing and we are with our loved ones, use this weekend as practice and start to speak words of comfort, love and positive.
The challenge is on and it may be the best challenge you will ever take for a more productive and positive future for everyone concerned!

Speak words of life into your own life, your family, your children and of course, your spouse. Your words will come back to you, so ensure they are words that you will be willing to eat at a later stage.

Have an awesome weekend.
Love you and be happy.

Love and God Bless,
Cindy.

Blog : lifetotell.com
Email : lifetotell.com@gmail.com

There has to be a little craziness in marriage!

crazy

I don’t often highlight the fact that some men can make us woman crazy (at times – if not every day!!!), but when I see a comical post like this my evil little sense of humour kicks in and I have to share!

Nobody or any marriage is perfect, or easy and nobody gets to marry ‘the’ perfect person. We as individuals should want to chose to be the perfect partner to our spouse, in other words, for some people loving another soul comes easy, for others in relationships a spouse may need to learn how to love their partner in order to live a fulfilling life together – being happy.

Anyone that knows me knows I am mad about my husband, and yes, there are days I wonder “what on earth is he thinking?” (I never ask myself that… I just go with the flow!!!!!!), but when I think about how crazy marriage can be with all its ups and downs, with all the laughter, some days tears, the frustration and the conversations that at times are long winded, or quick and easy, the moments I know I have taken his breath away (and by no means am I complimenting myself at these times, it is when I have ticked him off and need to remove myself from his space quickly) I find myself being so grateful that there is the other ‘half of me’ spending this life on earth and we share it together.

So if you thinking to yourself how annoying your partner can be at times, or how amazing he/she is in those special moments, be grateful, either way. Life is so short. Yes, we are ‘allowed’ to have our ‘off days’ and yes we are ‘allowed’ to argue over little things, as long as the ‘off days’ are far less than the great and amazing days!

It is almost the end of the day… Just a little hint… do something nice for your partner tonight. It doesn’t have to be expensive or a big event, just something different!
Enjoy your spouse, enjoy your marriage. The thought of “the ball and chain” idea of marriage really gets to me… because that is the biggest lie anyone could ever be fed in a marriage or anyone who is thinking of getting married. If that is how you are feeling, perhaps it is time to change your own mind set, look within yourself and change the negatives of marriage and start believing, “it is a sleep over with your best friend every night of the week – every day of your life!”

Love and God Bless,
Cindy.

Blog : www.lifetotell.com
Email : lifetotell.com@gmail.com

Are you ready to become a Family?

Last night, relaxing in front of the telly, there was nothing too interesting to watch. As I changed channels, I came across one of the ‘True Life series’ where youngsters get married at an early age in their life. As I listened to their reasons and the parents comments (they were quite comfortable with the fact that their youngster could ‘tie the knot’) I almost felt sorry for these youngsters and their children who would enter this world one day. As much as this channel was slightly ‘freaking me out’ I could not switch to another channel! In my mind I thought, “Do you realize what you are in for? Do you know what you are doing?”
I think not.

Eventually I couldn’t sit through another episode, so I switched off the TV and went to bed! This morning on the way to work, listening to the radio, it was all about marriage and proposals! Listeners could phone in and tell the DJ hosting the show how they were proposed to or how they ‘popped the question’ to their true love! One of the listeners told her story that she planned a romantic dinner at her house, and baked enough cupcakes to spell out “Will you marry me?” to which he replied, “No”.
Surely if you are considering marriage, the conversation has to be between both parties and not just one party fantasizing about making a happy home and ‘expecting ever after’!
Every girl wants a fairy tale, but, it does not happen in the real world! As a little girl we are told by our Daddy’s that we are a Princess, however, as life goes on, that little Princess grows up and soon realizes that no Prince will come and look for her in a Pumpkin turned coach after 12 o’ clock!
Life is real and life happens! It is beautiful to dream, but dreaming of Prince Charming is going to get you know where!
Praying for a good husband… will get you everywhere!

Dads, please don’t stop telling your daughter’s they are your little Princess, because in truth they are, no matter how old they get, but if you are a Dad to be reckoned with, instead of getting out your shotgun to present to the ‘nervous oke’ that knocks on your door to pick up your little Princess one day and he doesn’t fit the “Daddy approval list”, my suggestion to you is, get out your sword (your Bible) and start praying for your daughter’s right partner in life. Start the day she is born, in fact, pray for your son’s wife too!
After listening to the radio, I felt anxious again! Why would anyone ask someone to marry them if they were uncertain? Why would anyone say ‘yes’ to this massive life changing event unless they fully understand the concept of marriage, and one day raise a family? A marriage isn’t just the day in a beautiful dress!
Please do not get me wrong here. I believe in marriage 1000% plus more! I believe that God gave two people the gift of marriage to enjoy and live a life time together – through the good and the bad, but in this day people are getting married and divorced before the ink is dry on their anti-nuptials! And I have to ask the question, “Why?”
Why is it that so many celebrities are getting divorced and the new status is “Celeb- Splitsville?’ There is also a new name for your marital status, when it’s turning sour and fast approaching the downward tubes. People love it! They love the drama! “Why?”
I can’t get my head around the fact that as quickly as a couple say “I do”, as quickly they are turning the corner to say, “I can’t do this. I still love you. We are still very close and best friends. But we need to live a part. Can we remain friends?”
Absolute rubbish! If those feelings are truly still there then why is a couple unable to work it out?
Yes today is Friday. Yes, we are all in the spirit for the weekend festivities, but this is something that is very close to my heart and if I am able to reach just one person (one couple) today to truly think and be honest with your feelings towards your life changing decision to get married, then my post today has made a difference. If you think you are ready to share your life with another person, but have some doubt – then wait a while longer until you are both certain, and if your decision is a 1000% “YES!” then God Bless you every day you spend together. May your life together be better than you could possibly expect it to be. When you have your wife beside you perhaps you will want to spend your life being her Prince Charming! But it won’t matter, because when you have that person beside you every day not even the greatest fairy tale will make a difference! Marriage is not always strawberries and cream, but well, let’s just say, “the making up” part afterwards and working through the hurdles make it all worthwhile!
If you are in a relationship and thinking about marriage, “make sure you are ready 1000% to be true to that person for the REST of your life”. You have another human’s heart in your hands, protect it all the days of your life. Your duty in marriage ends the day you take your last breath. Do you know what it means to spend the rest of your life being the best person to your partner? If you are weak in some areas are you willing to allow your partner to uplift and encourage you and teach you perhaps a better way? If you have a temper and find yourself easy to strike, can you promise yourself that you will never strike back in your marriage – because for me, abuse in any manner is OUT! Whether it is bullying, mental, physical, or emotional abuse. If you have an eye for the opposite sex and it’s more than ‘casual’ will you look at the opposite sex with an honest eye and not in full comment or lust once your wedding ring is on? If you are not sure about being a parent, do you think having a child will make the relationship easier? Let me say one more thing, if there are drugs or alcohol abuse in the relationship… stop what you are doing and get going! Run as far as you can! It is not worth the trouble in the future!

I will tell you today that IF you are not ready to get married, or do not understand the concept of being together with ONE person for the rest of your life for the right reasons, then I urge you NOT to marry. Wait. It is not just about self-seeking or ‘it’s the right thing to do’, you are walking into a divine plan with one foot off the path. Once you say your vows, life is no longer just about you – it becomes “about 2 people”! Forever.

Here is a little reminder :
“MARRIAGE IS NOT 50/50. DIVORCE IS 50/50. MARRIAGE HAS TO BE 100/100. IT ISN’T DIVIDING EVERYTHING IN HALF, BUT GIVING EVERYTHING YOU GOT”!
You may never marry the perfect partner, but you can always strive to be the perfect partner to your spouse!

Enjoy your life. If you are young or single, there is no rush to settle down. Go travel, meet new people, live it up and have fun. When you are ready to take a new step into a great journey, then consider settling down, but don’t get married just because it sounds like fun!
Be happy and live your life!

Have a great weekend.

Love and God Bless,
Cindy.

Blog : lifetotell.com
Email : lifetotell.com@gmail.com

Marriage is all about giving your 100/100

There is a fine line in marriage, many may disagree with me, but if there is anything I despise more it is when I hear a couple who are in a marriage say, “Marriage is all about giving and taking!” In a simple sense they are indirectly saying, “one of us is on the giving, while the other partner is sitting comfy on the receiving end!”
There is nothing easy about marriage, but there is the beauty within a marriage and the peace between two people if the balance is proportioned and balanced out correctly during their lives spent together.
Each day it is common discussion to hear someone you may know going through a divorce, or has just been through or recovering after a divorce. By no means do I judge anyone with their decision in life, but if you are in a marriage, perhaps you will take note of the post inserted below and think about who you are in your marriage – are you the giver or the taker? Do you both work together fairly and daily, to ensure you are trying to be the best partner for your spouse?
It is only a question, but seriously something worthwhile to think about.

If each person in their marriage / relationship spent a few extra minutes in their day doing something different to show their partner exactly how they feel about their partner to show their love and respect, I am quite certain the divorce rate in this world will start a decline spiral and marriages will heal, partners will respect one another more than they did yesterday and the days before, sickness won’t be so rife, alcohol, mental or physical abuse will lessen and children will be brought up in a happier home life and environment.

This post summed up two people within a marriage in a nut shell.

marrriage

Makes one think, doesn’t it?
Are you giving your 100% in your relationship?
May this week be an over load of blessings for you, and in saying this, may it begin in your home – in your relationship and filter out to everyone around you! Enjoy your life, love your partner and be crazy in love within your marriage, your spouse is so worth it!

Love and God Bless,
Cindy.

Blog : www.lifetotell.com
Email : lifetotell.com@gmail.com

2 @ the altar PLUS the mannequin

The beginning of any relationship is usually the most exciting. The stories are told while you listen carefully to each word spoken with a sparkle in your eye, dazed and thinking, “wow, this person is just so beautiful!”, the phone calls last for ages and every bit of news needs to be told before hanging up, the “I love you” is said about 20 times in a sentence with meaning and dinners are extraordinary date nights, while the mobiles are put away out of sight and mind and ‘who cares if someone calls?’, because right now I am in my moment.
If you have ever been in a serious relationship, or think back to the courting days before your wedding you will remember those days with a big smile. As time goes on, the conversation may seem less or heard with one ear and the other ear faced sideward trying to hear the telly, the dinner dates are few and far between and you find yourself checking your phone every two minutes in the hope someone out there sends you a message or you have been invited to start a chat group in that moment, the kids exhaust you and by the time you turn in for the night your spouse is usually the last person who gets any time alone with you.

These are very common failed traits almost every relationship faces, and it is not a huge mountain to climb over and iron out, but it can become a bigger problem down the line if it is not attended too, and quickly using the right avenues, love and patience required to achieve the different hurdles couples face. Every couple, whether they have been married for two years or twenty years faces challenges. It is up to each individual to note their downfall and work together on it, for the survival of the marriage and enjoy each others lives together. The Bible speaks strongly about building one another up, encouragement and lifting up a person, and not the opposite where words and actions bring the person down and being discouraged.
Am I right or am I wrong?

In the ‘ladder of the household’ sequence it would run like this :
GOD
Husband / Wife
Children
Home
Work
Other

When a couple decide to share their lives together and the bride walks down the aisle to stand beside her husband (which is ultimately the head of the home), they stand in unity. There is no waiting for anyone else to join them side by side. They stand in the front along with the pastor (or the person holding the ceremony), the bridal party, a flower girl and/or Page Boy.
Now that I have given you a visual picture of the Bride and Groom with their Bridal party on their wedding day, and there is no third party. There should be no skeletons in the closet and there should be no one else beside them, other than Christ in the centre of them.

As I write this I have a mental picture of an invisible mannequin which stands beside the bride and groom. It says nothing, it is still, but it is there.
Okay, let me explain… There are two people in a marriage, right? That would be normality or standard procedure if you would like to get technical. However, as time goes on, routine takes place, children are born, families move, jobs change, social networks increase, financial pressure is building and there seems like there is no escape to the endless struggle, and the mannequin begins to make its appearance without giving notice. The couple have two choices, they either spend more time stressing and arguing over the same mountain and get no where, or they stand together, remove the mannequin completely, place feet firmly planted in the ground, while they work through the challenges together, as a couple, in unity and not division with no outside interference?

If you are in a marriage, you will understand what I am saying quite well. You may even be raising the brow or nodding in agreement. My question is, “why does the unity start changing or being divided?” “Who gives the mannequin the right to entertain itself as a third party in your marriage?”
By the third party it could be the anything that you face time and time again… alcohol abuse, language, the kids discipline (and hear me when I say, children should be in a same time sleep night routine. No child should be given permission to stay up until the parents go to bed. That time at night is crucial for both husband and wife to spend quality time together, even if it is only for 30 minutes), the friends at work who are constantly nagging for the weekend visits and social hang outs, the friends at work, household chores – anything that causes division and arguing between a couple! The same niggly problem that just never gets resolved.
I don’t know! Is my answer. I simply don’t know, but it is something I question often. For example, what gives the husband his right to enjoy every night on the sofa watching his favourite TV programs while the wife sees to dinner, washing, dishes, homework and still makes time to sit with her family and enjoy dinner together? What gives the wife her right to spend every last cent at the spa and spending her husband’s credit and placing them in an unnecessary pool of debt? There are so many examples to bring forward, and I simply can not name them all, but as you are reading this you may think of something that is a common occurrence in your marriage and the lid has not been placed on the bottle securely enough to prevent it from rearing its ugly head over and over again.

My opinion would be, if you are facing this situation in your life and in your marriage, it is time to get back to basics. Rekindle that first spark and make it exciting again! Talk to each other about each other, encouraging one another and if it means making an effort to say something nice to one another every day to start (even if it’s something small, but meaningful) then do it, until you are so fixated in the zone of filling each other up with compliments which becomes a daily habit that you just don’t want to break! If the trouble is about another person, then take the time and effort to show respect toward your partner. There is no space at the top for any extra person other than the space for two people – husband and wife. As time goes on, you will find that trust and enjoyment once again within each other and your marriage will grow from strength to strength as both of you work towards your goals together.
Be kind with one another, be patient but never give up. Marriage has its ups and it sure has its downs, but they can be faced together. You stood together at the alter, so there is no reason to stand alone during the greatest story of a person’s life – their promise together and the love they share until death do you part.

Have a blessed weekend and be safe.

Love and God Bless,
Cindy.

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Bedroom Talk…

I find it quite amusing when there are bedroom scenes during movies. An erotic scene, a ‘quickie’ or a romantic moment, because the same question always comes to mind, “how do the actors make it look so natural? Surely the actors get embarrassed at some stage?”

The other night while watching a romance movie there was a scene where the man easily picked up his lady and walked with her… (you kind of get the picture, I do not need to get too involved!!), and it looked so sexy! So I said to my husband who was watching half heartedly next to me, “why don’t you pick me up like that?”
I noticed him look away while he had to think in a million seconds to ensure he had the right answer and not to offend me, “because I have to take care of my back so I can look after you for many years to come”. In other words he wanted to say, “because you are not as light as she is, and it’s a movie, the actor can’t show his pain or struggle!”
We laughed about it (luckily for him I found his very brave answer to be filled with humour, and truth!) but it got me thinking….
What does a relationship need in order to keep it ‘alive and stimulating’? Is it just communication? Is it time spent together? Or does the passion only happen in the bedroom? Let’s be honest here, if an individual is in a relationship, unless there are other reasons besides being together for love, the bedroom (or any other room that may feed your fancy fetish) is the most exciting place to be for two people to enjoy their intimacy, but in saying this, there are many other vital elements which need to be honoured and worked through to enjoy a healthy relationship, but it is also very easy to get bored living the same routine over and over which eventually results in the loss of passion and excitement after time, without even realising it.

Chatting to a friend some time ago who was having trouble in their relationship I asked, “what do you think would make your relationship stronger, or what do you miss the most?” He responded with a direct answer, “I miss being alone with her”.
I am going to make a huge generalisation here (so please don’t hold me to it), but most men would say, “I don’t know, she was just for me”, or “she was great in the sack”, but instead his answer cut like a hot knife through butter, “I miss being alone with her”, his words made my heart crumble.
There are many reasons why a relationship fails, and for me, one of the biggest reasons would be the ‘loss of respect’ for your spouse / partner. If you respect your partner, then in all honesty, you are still madly in love with him / her, even if there are days that may become boring or the ‘bedroom talk’ has made a vanishing act, but if you respect your partner you will do whatever it takes to please him/her – even if it means playing more in the bedroom!
I remember years ago hearing a pastor say to the congregation, “A woman is to be loved by her husband. She is to live her life honourable and love others. She is to serve people as Christ serves the church, but as a wife, with her husband, she should be a tiger in the bedroom!”
At the age I was, I didn’t quite understand it, but as I have matured and am a wife myself, his words will always play in my mind. And I believe his words to be true, a woman is to be loved by her husband. In company she is to respect her husband and serve the people, she is to take care of her children and home, but behind closed doors, alone with her husband, she is able to enact her true beauty as a woman and enjoy the intimate pleasures with her husband, as they are one.

There are so many ideas on the net and sex objects for sale to enable a couple to invite their (lost or fantasy) passion into their bedroom, and I agree, some of the objects sitting on the shelves in some of these shops can become quite intimidating, it can be quite educational as well, to say the least, but if you are feeling your relationship needs some uplifting and the ‘excitement vibe has left the building’, perhaps it’s time to get it back again, even if it means getting a little education!
If your partner is into the funky stuff and you are a little shy, instead of just saying, “no”, rather discuss it and get to a mutual level where you can both experiment in new things, and be comfortable, and find pleasure. (There are several ways to enjoy some new found fun activities where both individuals enjoy the benefit.)
I was reading an article the other day, it was something about ’10 tips to spice up your sex life’ and the one point was, “talk dirty to your partner”. I am quite shy by nature, so this had me amused! So I decided to come up with some ‘naughty little sentences’ to thrill my husband. In fact, I was quite excited about my ‘new found act’ of cheekiness! I had prepared myself (and my confidence) and it was going to be a surprise for one of the nights! Well, all I can say is it didn’t work out as planned! I am not sure what I sounded like, but it got to a stage where my husband said, “is everything all right?” Embarrassed I said, “I am trying to talk dirty to you to make it more exciting”! My husband is a kind and gorgeous man, but he quickly responded, “no… that wouldn’t suit you, just be yourself!”
Can I tell you what? I was relieved! Boy, that was hard work! (But it definitely gave me a giggle and I can put it in the books that I at least tried!)

My point is, romance and intimacy in a marriage is vital. If your relationship needs a change with some new found excitement for both of you to enjoy, do it! And remember, you are never too old to try something new! However, Respect is of the essence, and there should be no reason to copy the world and exploit the beautiful reason why God created love making between two people just because the world advertises it through movies, magazines, strip clubs or social media. There are many special ways to enhance the romance, and it should be as exciting to experiment it together as it was the first time you held hands or kissed your love for the first time.
The weekend is near, there is enough time to get to the store and fill up your basket with some sneaky spoils to enjoy a new found spark and some yummy behaviour with your spouse! Love can fill the air every day of your marriage – so don’t allow the flame to die out, keep it burning all the days of your life together!
Enjoy each other with some crazy love and shake up that spice!

Love and God Bless,
Cindy.

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Let’s stop with the idle chatter & get on with it

Do you ever get tired of hearing the same speech? You know, the promises, the acts of kindness that go un-noticed, the harsh words and everything is simply “your fault”, the conditional love that states, “if you do it again, then it’s over”.
If you are familiar with these over worded sentences, then why do people continue talking and talking and promising, and then fail to do what they have promised?
Stop talking and “just do”! Actions speak louder than words.

I am a huge believer in marriage. I believe when two people are joined, they become one. This is not my rule, but this is a covenant with God and a promise between two people who choose to marry. If a spouse has promised to love their partner, and love unconditionally, why is it that this promise sometimes lies void after time?
There are many beautiful reasons for marriage, and the main one is LOVE. To love unconditionally as Christ loves His children. On the other hand, there are also many reasons why couples divorce – and God hates divorce. *Divorce is another topic altogether, and no one can judge a person or couple for their reason for divorce*. However, if a couple admit to loving each other, why is it so difficult for them to act out their love and just get on with it? The famous saying, which is far from the truth, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me!” I am not sure if the person who created those lyrics were ‘high’ during the time, or weren’t too confident about the power of a man’s words, once they have been spoken out loud.

I am not writing this post today to point fingers at married couples, but what I have witnessed in the last few months how married couples choose to treat their partners has been a massive eye opener, included is heart ache and just an absolute hunger for the hope of marriages surviving in today’s society. To be honest, if there are no “real issues or reasons” for a couple to part their separate ways, why is it so difficult for so many individuals in a marriage to play their part in their relationship and survive in their life time together – happily? Let’s get real here, there is no wedding I have ever attended, or scene played in a movie, or pictures where a couple stands alone repeating their vows to the Pastor! I have also never seen a bride or groom kiss ‘fresh air’ once they have been pronounced “husband and wife”! I have also never witnessed the bride and groom walking down the aisle separately afterwards – but they walk hand in hand, together! So why is it that down the line, their paths start separating? Their views change, their morals detour and their new invested interests are sought after elsewhere?
Why? Who is blamed for the break up or life time of unhappiness?
I am very aware that every couple faces hardship, there isn’t a question of doubt, but if a couple are facing the same issues daily or weekly, and continue discussing their frustrations, why can it not be solved once and for all, and together they continue working at it to help one another? Why should it be left to the one spouse to handle the baggage and hope for the light at the end of the tunnel, and through all the pain, hope that the light he/she sees is not another train coming toward him/her for further disappointment or heartache?
I am really exasperated by people’s incapacity to see the bigger picture in their relationship. One is so quick to judge another’s relationship or verbalise faults, but they themselves can not look deep enough to see their own fatal destruction within their own relationship.
There are endless discussions, counsellors, books and television shows that talk about successful relationships, respecting one’s spouse through every trial in life, loving one another, placing their spouse first (even before the kids) – it is blatant truth, but for some reason, for some individuals it’s impossible to do.
Does it just boil down to the raw act of selfishness?
I read a quote the other day from an elderly couple who were celebrating their Golden mile anniversary, and their words sum up my questions in a nutshell, “We lived in a time when we had to fix what was broken. We didn’t throw them away and get new ones”.

Here are a few guidelines / tips for both husbands and wives which I have put together. (They are my views, personal opinions, and topics I have heard others talk about that cause problems in their own marriages).
Perhaps some of these points may highlight some areas in your own relationships where you may have to work a little more in depth to create a happy marriage and living arrangement for both YOU and your PARTNER, for life!

WIVES –

1. Respect your husband. Do not insult his behaviour, question his every move, or discuss your marriage and irritations with friends. If your friends are married, they too have their issues to deal with. Do not soak your negatives in a pool of doubt. It does not help anyone or any relationship. If there is loyalty and trust in your relationship, you have already gained victory in this area. Support and encourage your husband daily. If trust has been broken, then this issue needs to be supported each and every day until the level of trust has been repaired, with kindness, practise AND patience.

2. Don’t nag! If there is no urgent reason, other than to say “Hello and I love you” during the day, do not hound your husband at work. He is there to function in order to bring home a salary to provide for his family. When he arrives home and settled down, there is a time to discuss certain issues, if it is too late, be patient (if possible!) and discuss these issues at a suitable time for both of you. If the same thing is occurring and nothing is done, place a note in front of the fridge where it is visible – trust me, he will eventually get to it or make time to sort it out! Sometimes what is important to you, may not be critically important to him in that moment!

3. Expenses! This is always a reason for hyped conversation! If there are financial concerns, take it easy with the expenses. The more mindful you are of your expenditures, the less arguments will follow later. If your friends are grouping at the Spa each week, do not stop joining them, but perhaps cut down your appointments. You are in competition with no one.

4. There is a time for everything. A time for discussing work, spending time with the kids, catching up with work which couldn’t be finished in the office (I don’t personally agree with work that is brought home, but in some instances it has to), social networks & games, personal time, and then there is the time for each other. This time is crucial and should be set aside EVERY DAY. A day should never end until both of you have had time together, which includes some good laughs and loves.

5. Close the mouth to complaints! Like I said earlier, a nagging wife is a tiring wife! Life is difficult as it is, work together and together you will accomplish more.

6. Do not compare. There is nothing worse than being compared to an ex, friend or your father. You married your husband for the reasons you did. Do not try to change him, but love him and being happy together = marriage power and lasting love!

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HUSBANDS –

1. Laziness. We understand you are tired after a long day, and then still have to spend time with the kids and get updated with the daily news on the home front, but your wife is just as busy as you are! You are capable of taking your dishes to the sink AND rinse them out. Your wife is there to uphold the house affairs, she is not the maid! Lying on the couch the minute you walk through the door, can also be a direct response to, “that’s me! I am done for the day!” Once you are in the horizontal position, it is very difficult to get up and help.

2. Words of kindness. Remember the dog is not your spouse. It is okay to speak to your wife as excited as you speak to the dog! It is also okay to say, “Thank you” or “you look nice today”, instead of gazing at her and reminding her that her bum looked smaller last week than it does today. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who wears confidence – if you want a gorgeous wife, work with her to boost her confidence as well. In turn she will boost your ego! (And almost every man I know loves his ego stroked).

3. Porn. This is a vast controversy in many relationships! And yes, it has lead to many divorce battles and nights of tears and anger. It is NOT OKAY to receive emails of naked woman or search the internet to drool over woman! No matter how “normal this may seem to you”. I understand we have been given eyes to see beauty, so use them for seeing the beauty around you and focus on your wife! Pornography, in any form, is not acceptable. If your wife is not as sexy to you as she used to be, truth is, you may have also changed over the years. Porn is porn, if you need to look at something to waste time or make you feel better, go for a walk in the garden or plant some roses. Porn is out. End of discussion.

4. Your wife is your partner, through everything. Remember the saying, “behind every successful man is a good woman?” But there is a time for work speeches and discussions. Bedtime is not the time to be discussing other woman or what events happen at work, and who said what to who! The bedroom is for the couple sharing the bed. Pillow talk is the best talk. There should be no thought of work or anyone else when the lights go out.

5. As also mentioned to the wives, do not discuss your relationship aggravations with work colleagues, your boss, or friends. Nobody cares about your problems. And remember, if you hear your colleagues talking vulgar about their own spouse or flirting with another, it shows a huge reflection of who they really are, so ask yourself this, “what are they saying to others about YOU”? People love gossip, so give them positive gossip! You will be respected widely among others, and will set yourself apart from the “rest”.

6. Conversation. This is a huge downfall in many relationships. If you have both discussed something, keep to your word. Stop bringing back the past. You have been called to LOVE your wife. So just do it.

For BOTH husband and wife – Sometimes the best deal breaker is to set a date for ‘ME time”. Sometimes being a part for a while does one the world of good. For sure you are a team, but you both need your own space once in a while.
Perhaps start a hobby, sport, or make a friend date and go out – alone. It is healthy to be able to spend time a part and enjoy your own company, or with friends. (I do not believe in “Girls or Boys NIGHTS out!”, this is each couple’s personal choice and should be discussed maturely before making arrangements with the other girls or boys!)

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And, the most beautiful verse of all time is :

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7New International Version (NIV)

No marriage is easy. Nobody wants to be in a relationship where there is hard work every day! If this is you, and your marriage is fragile – start looking at yourself first before pointing the blame finger. Ask yourself, “what can I do to make a difference to be a better partner?” Nobody marries the perfect partner. You need to become the perfect partner to your spouse. If you still love your spouse, then there should be no further discussion about who is doing what and who isn’t doing this or that, because BOTH will be doing everything they can to sustain a healthy marriage and life style and keep making one another happy.
Life is too short for complication. Be simple with your daily demands and requests, but through everything, your spouse comes first. If each person is doing their fair share, plus more, in their relationship, there will be fewer divorces, perhaps even fewer people getting married – because as far as I am concerned, marriage is not for sissies! If you are not 1000% committed to your love with each other for the right reasons, don’t commit.
Enjoy your spouse, be kind toward one another. Be mindful of each others needs and serve one another in love and kindness. Pure love does not give way to destruction.
Each person deserves real life love and to share real life love.

Love and God Bless,
Cindy.

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