It’s OK to teach your better half how to love YOU? That sounds weird! But in fact, it is true.
A few years ago I remember a friend (who was married – I was single) telling me, that for a good and solid relationship it is important to teach your other half “how to love you”. I found this quite strange, because in the “ideal world”, where fantasy lives forever, you hear of that love at first sight, happily ever after, love is bliss and so it goes on…. But in reality and in the real world… as I have grown older, and am married, I have learnt to believe that what she told me all those years ago was in fact true.
I will tell you why I believe this to be true!
Each individual is different. Our needs are different, our morals, upbringing, family relationships, religion, culture, whatever it is, we are all unique and each of us require different needs and attention at different times of our lives.
We have been created to be loved, and to love in return. We may not always like our spouse on certain days of the year, but we have been told to LOVE, unconditionally. Now, for me personally, I love to communicate and get things out of the way. That is how we were brought up in our home by my parents when we were children. If there is something troubling you, talk about it. Fix it. Sort it out. Move on and don’t bring it up again.
I try to do this in my life and marriage today, even with my kids when we don’t see eye to eye on certain things, this is how I have tried to teach them.
However, my husband is different, and he will take a little bit longer to get over something.
Is he wrong and I am right?
No. We are different beings.
I love to be close and cuddle, I am affectionate by nature.
He doesn’t like to cuddle, all of the time!
Does this make him love me any less and me love him more?
What I am getting at, is that over time, we learn to love our partner as they have taught us to love them. We learn to nurture our relationship and see what works for both parties to create a good home life, a happy relationship and an extraordinary friendship between two people. After all, you are two complete strangers, who liked one another, which turned into love and then you both came together as one and chose to make a life together – which should be forever.
Personally, I believe, do what you can to make it work!
As I am learning more each day about life, because it does not come with a manual, and some things are learnt the hard way (unfortunately), I have come to the conclusion that it is okay to teach your spouse what your likes and dislikes are, and with that comes a deeper level of love, communication and trust for one another – and let’s face it, there is nothing greater than being in a caring and honest relationship.
We all have our limits, we all have boundaries. What works for one may not always work for the other, but if there is mutual respect and a genuine love for another human being, the best part of your relationship is learning what makes the other one tick. I do not mean like a time bomb ready to go off.. I mean, what makes that person you love so much keep their love for you ticking? What is his / her heartbeat that keeps him / her loving you back each day for the rest of your life? Or perhaps, what is it that has created a distance between you and your spouse over time?
These are the things we should constantly be working on and not always striving to ‘just expect’ the best from your spouse and if he / she doesn’t get it right, well let’s just say, “hell breaks lose in every direction!”
If you are single. Then take this time to prepare yourself. The other day a friend was telling me how bored she is of being alone.
WHY? How can you be bored? The best relationship is that relationship you have with yourself. And I know this sounds cliché, but honestly, when the time is right that person will come to you. Trust me. Do not rush into anything. Marriage is most certainly not always a bed of roses, or is it a fairy tale, but is it worth it? Oh absolutely!
Be at peace, and be calm that you are single. Sometimes we need a little more time focusing on ourselves before we are ready to focus on someone else. The desire in your heart will come to pass, when it is the right time, and in the mean time do not lose focus on who you are.
If you are in a relationship and you get frustrated easily with your partner and some days you wonder, “what the heck am I doing this all for”? Perhaps it is time to see how he / she ticks. Perhaps it is time to allow your partner to teach you how to love him / her the correct way. And take note! (Not written notes!! But I guess if it helps, then do it secretly as a reminder!!!) Pay extra attention to what he / she likes and what makes them happy, or irritates them (when you see the eye roll… start moving away and change direction to what is happening… try not enter that zone again, or anytime too soon!) Pay attention to the little things and you will see in a short time how things will flourish and grow between you two.
It is the same with a plant, as it is watered it grows into a beautiful flower. Stop hassling about the little things. This life is too short to squibble about things that are out of your control (and I am lecturing myself too on this one!)
When you see your partner today, look them in the eye and say one nice thing to them. If you can not do it and it’s not ‘your style’ then do something kind instead, but what ever it is, begin to nurture your spouse and teach him / her how to love you, and as the spouse, start learning how to love your partner the correct way, the way in which he / she needs to be loved. It may take some time to sync, but in time your relationship will be a thriving one where two people genuinely like one another and enjoy each other’s company, it is healthy and far easier (and nicer) than arguing, talking ugly, living with bad thoughts and being frustrated!
So let’s get to it. Happy “learning to love your spouse” season… plant that seed and begin to watch that flower grow into something beautiful.
Today is a new season for everyone around the world, with a new season comes new life – new found joy.
Enjoy your life, and enjoy life WITH your partner.
Love and God Bless,